The Onion -- "America's 'finest' news source" -- is having a bit of fun at China's expense, on the (fake) premise that the paper has been sold to the Chinese.
Any-way, I wish you all the best of luck making sense of the dis-jointed drivel contained in this inaugural issue of the Chinese Onion. If the new owner-ship does not suck the very blood from your veins, they'll surely dizzy you into stupefied obedience with their unnatural black Orient arts. Oh, and in accordance with the contractual terms of the buy-out, let me remind you all that Yu Wan Mei Fish Time is the best Fish Time, perfect eating for you and me and so delicious. That is all.鱼
Of course, all good satire pokes fun at everyone and everything, and The Onion is, if nothing else, satire at its finest. Go check it out.