The Peter Hoekstra campaign needs to learn the definition of satire

The following ad ran in Michigan during the Super Bowl. In it, former Rep. Peter Hoekstra, currently bidding for a US Senate seat, appears at the end to say, "I think this race for US Senate is between Debbie Spend It Now and Pete Spend It Not. I'm Pete 'Spend It Not' Hoekstra, and I approve this message."

Here's the message Pete Spend It Not Hoekstra so approves of:

It's a nice red herring, if anything. For you see, politicians in America make a career out of saying shit they don't mean, either because they think their constituents need to hear it or because the DNC or RNC told them to say it, and the good politicians -- I mean those truly adept at the asinine game of politics -- are the ones who get away with bald-faced hypocrisy.

Example: Hoekstra. An ad featuring a Chinese girl on a farm. A fucking farm, even though more than half of Chinese live in cities. Ah, never mind that. What does China have to do with anything?

Well... it makes us talk about China, an issue that has not divided America (I think most Americans are solidly in the "Huh?" camp). It makes us forget to focus about Mr. Spend It Not himself.

But that's where we come in. We have his voting record. So we're able to see that he...

Voted YES on $15B bailout for GM and Chrysler.

Voted YES on emergency $78B for war in Iraq & Afghanistan.

Voted YES on $266 billion Defense Appropriations bill

Voted YES on making the Bush tax cuts permanent.

Voted YES on Tax cut package of $958 B over 10 years.

...i.e. voted to increase spending while decreasing income.

So, Hoekstra campaign -- your response?

The Hoekstra campaign called the advertisement “satirical” and explained the broken English in the video as a reflection of China’s increasingly competitive education system. [Politico]

Oh. You're still talking about China. I'm not entirely sure you know what satire means, but hey, we didn't all get a good education. Speaking of education though, I understand you have something to say about that?

“You have a Chinese girl speaking English - I want to hit on the education system, essentially. The fact that a Chinese girl is speaking English is a testament to how they can compete with us, when an American boy of the same age speaking Mandarin is absolutely insane, or unthinkable right now,” Hoekstra spokesperson Paul Ciaramitaro told POLITICO. “It exhibits another way in which China is competing with us globally.”

Yes! Hoekstra is obviously for American education. He obviously believes as I do, that education the foundation of our country and -- more importantly -- the foundation of an individual, and perhaps shares Nicholas Kristof's belief that "the difference between a strong teacher and a weak teacher lasts a lifetime." Great, so Hoekstra...

Voted NO on additional $10.2B for federal education & HHS projects.

Voted NO on $84 million in grants for Black and Hispanic colleges.

Uhm. Is he for... the environment?

Voted NO on tax credits for renewable electricity, with PAYGO offsets.

Voted NO on tax incentives for energy production and conservation.

Voted NO on investing in homegrown biofuel.

I clearly see how he does not support public education or the environment. But I wonder, on an off-chance, could he support education and the environment, like, together?

Voted NO on $40B for green public schools.

Voted NO on environmental education grants for outdoor experiences.

Uh-huh.

Say, how much did Mr. Spend It Not spend on his Super Bowl ad?

Hoekstra's campaign is spending $75,000 to air the ad statewide Sunday.

Well, fuck.

And fuck you, good Sir Spend It Not. What a shitty moniker.

Also see: Sinostand.